Fear
began when pregnant
I
didn't used to be afraid of flying. In fact,
both my parents got pilots' licenses and we
used to go on vacations in small planes when
I was a child. In college I flew back and forth
to school several times a year--no problem.
Then, when I was about 24, I was pregnant for
the first time, and we came into a thunderstorm.
Here's my husband, looking out at the black
clouds, lightning, and rain saying things like
"cool, look at that!" He was having a blast.
What
was I doing? Gripping my armrests as tightly
as I could, afraid to breath, to move. The skin
on my face was prickly because I was so terrified.
The whole plane was shaking and everyone (except
my husband) was quiet and nervous. If only,
if ONLY the captain had come on the intercom
and explained what was going on! We were trying
to land, and could see nothing out of the windows.
The plane's engines kept slowing way down, like
we were landing, and then they'd speed up really
fast, pressing us back into our seats. It was
horrible.
That
one experience ruined me for life, it seems.
Now I'm 30, and every flying experience since
then has been pure terror--even smooth, uneventful
flights. Is there any help for a basket case
like me? My husband thinks I'm off my rocker,
and it is difficult for him to understand my
weakness, let alone be sympathetic. I do not
want my phobia to keep me from any of life's
wonderful opportunities. I certainly do not
want my children to pick up on this fear either
Captain
Tom's reply:
Fear
of flying often begins when a parent - or becoming
a parent - for the first time. You are responsible
for a life other than your own. You might have
previously though, "Well, if something happens,
it's just me." But now you are making choices
for someone else, someone totally dependent
upon you who has no say in the matter. What
happens to them depends on decision you make
but can't guarantee will work out O.K.
It may help to know that you - and your child
- are safer on an airliner than sleeping at
home at night. Though it may not feel that safe,
you are actually much more protected in flight
than on the ground. So, in terms of safety,
you are doing your child - and yourself - a
favor to fly rather than stay on the ground.
Also, if you step back and look at this whole
thing about being a parent, it really is pretty
overwhelming to consider the responsibility
for another person - not just about flying -
but about every decision you have to make on
the ground. It's huge! I know. It almost paralyzed
me as a parent to think how every move I made
was going to influence on my child. I had no
way to know what the result of what I did would
be twenty years down the road.
Finally
I realized this: the best gift I could give
my child was the ability to make his/her own
well thought-out choices,. And, the way to give
that gift is to model that behavior by making
choices that are well thought out. When ready,
a child needs to know that some choices are
not easy, and yet you make them anyway. Both
you and your child need to know that there are
situations where you need to make choices and
act in spite of fear. Consider, choose, connect,
and commit. Consider the options, choose the
soundest one, examine connected feelings, and
then commit to that action (or non-action).
Once this is your committed choice, do it in
spite of the fear rather than waiting and hoping
the fear will go away. Like the title of the
book: "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway."
Captain
Tom
A
feeling of falling after take-off
Once
I was flying out of Houston with my two small
daughters. I thought I was doing all right,
but right after the take-off, while we were
still pointing up at the sky and the engines
were straining to lift us to our flying altitude,
the engines suddenly cut back, and it felt as
though we were headed back down towards the
ground. It was all I could do to keep from screaming!
My father told me later that there were probably
noise laws in that area and the pilot was required
to cut back the engines over a certain neighborhood.
Captain
Tom's reply:
You
dad was right. On some take-offs, we reduce
the power after reaching about one-thousand
feet (roughly twenty-seconds after lift-off),
and it can be frightening if you don't know
what it's all about. Imagine this: you get in
an elevator on the ground floor, and press the
button for the tenth floor. The door closes,
and as the elevator starts to rise, you feel
heavy. Then, as the elevator approaches the
tenth floor, it has to slow down and stop. As
it does, you feel "light-headed." In an elevator
you know what the feeling is about. You are
just slowing down your ascent. But note this:
when you start down from the tenth floor, you
get a feeling of "light-headedness." You get
exactly the same feeling when slowing your rate
of climb upward as when starting a descent downward.
Both feel like falling. The same thing happens
in an airplane. After take-off, we reduce the
power to reduce the noise, but that means the
airplane can not climb as fast. When we pull
back the power and slow our rate of climb, it
feels the same as falling. Actually, we are
still climbing - but not as fast. The problem
is compounded by hearing the engines get quieter,
which can make you believe they have failed.
The antidote is to except to hear the engines
change power about twenty-seconds after leaving
the runway, and expect to get an "elevator feeling"
like arriving at the tenth-floor. It is routine,
but not used on every take-off. When you first
get on the airplane, turn left and go up to
the cockpit, tell the captain you are an anxious
flier and ask if there will be a big power change
for "noise abatement" on today's flight.
Captain
Tom
Getting
married, afraid to fly on the honeymoon
I
am to be married at the end of this year and
my fiancee desperately wants me to fly on our
honeymoon. However, I have a deep fear of crossing
water (as well as land) in an airplane. Could
you please give me some advice.
Captain
Tom's reply:
There
may be so reasons why flying becomes a problem
as you approach marriage. 1. When in love, you
experience tender feelings, feelings you first
had as a tiny, vulnerable child. Falling in
love can lead a person to feel what was associated
with these feelings the first time: tiny and
vulnerable. Flying is difficult when one feels
tiny and vulnerable. 2. You are taking off into
a new and unknown phase of your life. Home -
like "home base" playing "hide and seek" - may
be the place you feel most secure. The farther
you venture from home, the more the anxiety.
Why? It takes more time to get back home where
you feel secure. If home base goes out of your
sight, there can be panic. Why? Even if you
turn around to return, you can't see home getting
closer. On an airplane, your legs are useless
for getting back home. You are "out of control"
of an ability to find "home base." 3. Getting
married can feel "out of control" because it
means giving another person major control over
what happens to you. Also, you leave the security
of home base. So, the "home base" and "losing
control" issues are similar for getting married
and for flying. You are facing both at the same
time. Understanding this may help, but talking
with a professional can help more. SOAR can
help with the flying, but consider a local therapist
to help with the other side of the matter.
Captain
Tom
Trust
is the issue
I
have not flown for 28 years-used to in work,
but now we have enough "points" to fly to Europe
for 2 and I really want to go but find 6 million
excuses not to fly (everybody knows how I feel
about flying-I make no effort to hide that).
I somehow feel that it is a "control" issue-I
AM afraid to turn over my well being to someone
else-like a pilot and copilot and air traffic
controllers and mechanics in this age of downsizing
and bottom line. Anyone else have these feelings?
I think I can handle the turbulence, noise,
etc. Its getting me in the plane to begin with.
My Mother took a course in Pittsburgh several
years ago and agrees if she had acted on it
right away she would have been fine. They did
fly at the end of the course and she did fine,
but didn't go on and fly to New Mexico as planned
for various reasons and now hasn't flown again.
She used to fly until a bad experience from
Charlotte to Pittsburgh about 12 years ago.
So-maybe a course would help, but how to address
the other issues-of "trust".
Captain
Tom's reply:
I
think you are on target when you say it is a
control issue. We all have had situations where
we trusted and were let down - or our trust
was betrayed. Some situations are more painful
and more severe, but it matters most WHEN trust
was betrayed. If it happened between 18 and
36 months, it causes normal development to stop
or to be sidetracked. Then, we are left with
the result of this development being altered
or arrested for the remainder of our lives.
And, because it happened so early, memories
of it are not well-formed enough to be useful
in therapy. There are things we can do, though.
We can find an area where you are confident
and strong and attach that confidence and security
and strength to flying (or other fears). This
is a very specialized therapy, but very effective
for flying. Some I have worked with on this
found it so helpful that they felt as if they
have never had a fear of flying.
Captain
Tom
What
causes this fear?
I
feel really embarrassed not to be able to fly
as other people do. I know I am not crazy but
I can't understand why I feel so terrified of
something everyone else can do.
Captain
Tom's reply:
Vulnerability
to fear of flying can stem from a lack of something
we call "self-soothing." Between and 3, the
child starts to explore the world. When mishaps
occur, the child rushes back to mom for soothing.
If mom is consistently available to provide
soothing followed by encouraging the child to
try again, her soothing techniques get built
into the child's memory until the child can
soothing himself or herself by recalling and
imagining mom's actions. You can see toddlers
"practicing" this by soothing their dolls.
In
time, self-soothing becomes automatic and operates
unconsciously. Things that might upset us get
neutralized by the self-soothing unconsciously.
Two things can go wrong. One: a good self-soothing
was not built in; or, two: a good supply was
built in but later events damaged it. Good self-soothing
is transportable and genuinely owned by the
individual. Some moms supply loads of self-soothing
but only through a psychological umbilical cord.
When one ventures from home, the cord - like
a rubber band - gets stretched, and threatens
to break and result in panic. Some families
teach children that home is safe and the world
outside is dangerous. Even a good original supply
of self-soothing can be damaged by trauma. The
death of some special can damage self-soothing
in a general way so that anxiety can arise about
virtually everything. Or, a bad flight or being
mugged can damage self-soothing in a more limited
way so that one avoids flying in similar conditions
or certain street situations.
If
self-soothing is not transportable, problems
arise when going out into the world on our own.
Leaving home separates us from our source of
soothing. Anxiety comes in the teens and twenties
as we venture from home. We handle the anxiety
by maintaining the option - if panic threatens
- to turn around and head toward home. Just
knowing we have the option can prevent panic
and anxiety. Anything that blocks this option
is a threat. Fear of flying presents a dual
problem. It blocks our option to - if anxiety
arises - head home; the pilot is not going to
respond if we change our mind. But it is worse
than that. We are throwing away control horizontally
and vertically. We are mom and home base horizontally
and "mother earth" vertically.
It
is a big deal. The soundest thing you can do
is get yourself into a fear of thorough flying
course which has a good, long-term track record.
Short of that, the single best thing you can
do is to go to the cockpit immediately upon
boarding and meet the captain, so that he or
she can become a substitute source of soothing.
Find out s/he is real - not just a voice on
the PA. Make personal contact so you know s/he
cares about you. S/he then becomes a soothing
influence to make up for the deficit. If you
want to really get some effective help, you
may want to talk with Lisa Hauptner at SOAR.
Lisa's number is (800) 332-7359. She really
understands.
Captain
Tom
Long
flights
I have to fly to London. It is an overnight
flight. Do you think taking a sleeping pill
will work? Or will my anxiety prevent it from
being effective.
Captain
Tom's reply:
I
would not take a sleeping pill connected with
a flight, because there is no research to determine
their effect at altitude. Also, medications
commonly prescribed for anxiety are risky for
two reasons:
1. they are highly addictive;
2.
when desperate for relief, people often combine
them with alcohol, which can cause breathing
to stop.
Captain
Tom
Turbulence
terror
I'm
OK about take-off and landing but turbulence
terrifies me. Help!!
Captain
Tom's reply:
First
you need to know that turbulence is a problem
for people only because people think turbulence
is a problem for the airplane. Actually the
airplane couldn't be happier than when in turbulence.
It just doesn't bother airplanes, only us who
think it bothers airplanes. Second, it can help
to understand that turbulence is natural. The
jet stream is caused by earth rotation, and
zips across the U.S. up at 30,000 to 40,000
feet. If you fly in it, it is smooth. Also,
if you are some distance horizontally or vertically
from it, it is smooth. But when its vicinity,
friction between fast-moving jet stream sort
of makes the nearby slow-moving air into ball
bearings to roll across the sky on. Then, when
you are flying in those rolling ball bearings
of air, you get turbulence. When you go into
one rolling up, the airplane goes up; then you
come out the back side which is rolling down,
and the plane goes down. Try this: practice
matching every down with an up. It is easy to
not notice the "ups" because most of our childhood
fears are about downward motion (falling) not
upward motion.
Captain
Tom
I
can't put it out of my mind
On
an airplane, other people just sit there so
calm and collected. My friends say just think
about something else. Either they are crazy
or I am.
Captain
Tom's reply:
People
tell you, "Just put it out of your mind." It
isn't that easy, so what I'd like to do is teach
you a technique you can use - not to put it
totally out of your mind - but to allow you
to think about it, even worry about it, but
remove some of the impact it has on you emotionally
and physically. We do this by "distancing" yourself
emotionally from the thing you are thinking
and worrying about.
Here's
how it works. First you have to really let yourself
get into the thing you are anxious about . .
. really let it get going. Why? Because, to
get a handle on it, you have to make it substantial
and real. So, I want you to see what "pictures,"
are included. Ask yourself what scenes are part
of this anxiety. Go ahead and capture one of
these scenes, such as (possibly) the airplane
plunging down to crash. Then, use your imagination
to create a small TV set. Imagine the set is
half way across the room. Plant yourself in
your chair. Really FEEL you body planted HERE,
and see the TV set over there. Make sure this
is only a small screen (5") black and white
set - no color! Then put the scene that is bothering
you on the small, black and white TV set, and
all the time you are viewing the scene, be absolutely
sure to keep the scene enclosed by the framework
of the TV cabinet. If there is sound, remember
these little sets have poor quality artificial
sounding sound. If you want to, you can imagine
the scene on the TV set is coming from a VCR
and you have the remote control in your hand
and can run the scene backwards and forwards,
freeze-frame, or turn it off.
This
is a very powerful tool for anticipatory anxiety.
This is NOT, however, to be used during an actual
flight, as what you need to do then is experience
things just as they are without imagination,
because imagination makes things worse than
they are.
If
you would like to have some more help on fear
of flying, you may want to call my associate,
Lisa Hauptner at (800) FEAR-FLY, about some
additional ways to beat this problem.
Captain
Tom
First
time flying
I
am about to fly for the first time and I am
afraid.
Captain
Tom's response:
It's
good to really understand that doing anything
for the first time can cause anxiety. It may
help to keep in mind that we, pilots, would
not be doing this job unless it was safe. And
if you wonder if it really is safe, consider
that insurance companies are no fools, and they
give us the same insurance rates as non-pilots.
Be sure you board early and go up to meet the
captain. Then you know somebody knows you and
cares about you. They will also make more informative
announcements during the flight.
Captain
Tom
Turbulence:
avoidance and passenger injury
Can't
pilots plan ahead to avoid turbulence, and will
fly around/above/under it. There have been instances
of where turbulence has caused injury to passengers.
How can this happen if turbulence is harmless??
Why wouldn't the pilot avoid it??
Captain
Tom's reply:
Clear
air turbulence forecasts are not accurate enough
to help much. Pilots get the best information
from listening to remarks between Air Traffic
Control and other aircraft. We avoid turbulence
that is reported there by changing altitudes,
but in some situations, the smooth altitudes
are already taken by other aircraft, and in
other situations, all practical altitudes have
turbulence. A different kind of turbulence can
exist around thunderstorms. We can see them
on radar. If the thunderstorm is isolated, we
can go around it. But if there is a line of
thunderstorms, we have to pick a gap between
two storms which may still be somewhat turbulent.
Passenger injuries due to turbulence occur because
of not using seat belts.
Captain
Tom
Avoiding
panic
can keep my mind on other things before I get
on the plane. Then I panic when they close the
door. Can you help?
Captain
Tom's reply:
Many
people I have worked with try to keep flying
off their mind by super-busy during the day
of a flight, rush to the airport at the last
minute, dash onto the flight. Why? To try to
block from awareness what is being done. This
is a great way to set yourself up for panic.
If would be better to be aware of building anxiety.
When you are no longer dashing around like mad
- keeping your mind occupied - you suddenly
realize you trapped yourself on the airplane.
What should you do instead? Just the opposite.
Instead of avoiding awareness during flight
day, you need to be ultra-aware . . . aware
of every thought, every feeling, every anxiety,
every fear. Why? So you don't surprise yourself.
You need to get used to the feelings. So you
don't let them get collected up, and built up.
If
this is not something you now feel strong enough
to do, SOAR can give you some tools to manage
these feelings, or we can provide a therapy
that focuses on your individual needs to strengthen
your ability to deal with these feelings. Meanwhile,
on the day of your flight, get up, take plenty
of time for everything you do. Perhaps make
a checklist of everything you need to do (make
the the day before). Don't rush anything. Go
to the airport early. Don't rush driving. Be
leisurely. Get used to the airport terminal.
Go to the boarding lounge. Yes, I know you are
afraid that the more time you are there, the
more time to get afraid and change your resolve.
But it doesn't work that way. Fear is like peanut
butter and time is like bread to spread it on.
There is only so much peanut butter, but there
is a whole loaf of bread. If you take more time,
the LIMITED amount of fear will get spread more
thinly, and EVENLY. More time lets you experience
it leisurely and that's what makes panic impossible.
Captain
Tom
Used
to fly - now terrified
I
am planning a trip to Italy in February to see
my daughter who is stationed in Sicily. I haven't
flown in years. I don't know why I don't like
to fly, I used to fly when I was in my 20's
and no problems. I am 44 now and I am terrified
of flying. I have missed some wonderful opportunities
to see the world. I know flying is safe and
I encouraged all of my children to fly. But
when I try, it's just panic city. Please help
me to be rational about this, I am resolved
to conquer this fear.
Captain
Tom's reply:
Most
people who fear flying have lots of ability
to imagine things going wrong. Then, what you
imagine causes physical tension, which then
tends to make you think what you imagine is
really taking place. So, to help stop this process,
keep the visual part of your mind busy. Buy
a number of magazines with splashy color pictures,
and take them with you. Just flip through the
pictures to keep the "visual" part of your mind
too busy to make up imaginary disasters. You
can take a further step by keeping the "auditory"
part of your mind busy. Bring along a "Walkman"
with several tapes.
Captain
Tom
Claustrophobia
when flying
I
think my problem is not fear of flying but claustrophobia.
Is that possible?
Captain
Tom's reply:
Whether
or not people with a problem with flying recognize
it or not, there is almost always a problem
with claustrophobia. But why is claustrophobia
a problem, and why is it mainly with airplanes?
When we don't have enough control to stay comfortable,
we try to get more control. If that fails, our
natural (but primitive) reactions are a. fight,
b. freeze, or c. flight. On an airplane, these
don't work, but we try. Fight: passengers get
obnoxious with the flight attendants or bother
other passengers. Flight: you can't run away
physically but try to run away mentally. Freeze:
difficulty breathing and panic (a form of freezing).
Some courses on fear of flying merely teach
you that you are safe and then try to teach
you to relax and trust that you are safe. Easier
said than done. There is much more that can
be done such as rebuilding your own natural
ability to soothe yourself, an ability that
is learned in early childhood to a greater or
lesser degree, but which may not - without reinforcement
- be up for the task of dealing with flying.
Two hours of specialized therapy can often rebuild
ones natural ability to be calm and confident
even in stressful situations. If you would like
some information on this, please call us at
(800) FEAR-FLY.
Captain
Tom
Airport
security
Does
anyone else find security a legitimate reason
to feel worried about flying? And does anyone
else find it VERY suspicious that the Feds are
not telling us more?
Captain
Tom's reply:
I
can understand your concern completely. Having
been an airline pilot for about thirty years,
this is something I have had real concerns about.
Over the years, a lot has been done, and one
of the best things is the recent developments
in bomb detection devices through which the
luggage and carry-ons go through. Effective
security can be produced. El Al has been, for
obvious reasons, a target of Middle Eastern
terrorists for many years, and yet terrorists
have never succeeded in getting a bomb on El
Al. But for American's to put up with the measures
needed to provide it, there will have to be
a consensus that these measures are essential.
Captain
Tom
Windshear
I
keep seeing things on TV about windshear being
a cause of accidents. It makes me really wonder
if I should fly.
Captain
Tom's reply:
Most
wind shear is of no great significance. In fact,
until the 1980s, we never believed wind shear
could be strong enough to cause an accident.
It was only in the 1980s that we discovered
that it could be, and we started training to
recognize that type of wind shear and how to
handle it.
Captain
Tom
Fear
of the airplane going out of control
fly once or twice a year at most. I just recently
got back from a trip and realized that my discomfort
and anxiety on airplanes seems to be getting
worse. Every time the pilot banks the plane
I have this uncontrolled terror that the plane
is going to roll and dive. I'm an intelligent
person, and I know intellectually that this
is extremely unlikely. And yet I cannot seem
to control this fear. I also hate takeoff and
landing. I just cannot believe that this enormous
flying tube can stay in the air. It all seems
so tenuous. One more thing: I am intrigued by
the suggestion that those with this problem
meet the pilot. I know that would help me, but
is it inconvenient for the flight crew, busy
with their preparations for takeoff?
Captain
Tom's reply:
We
all feel more comfortable when we control things.
That applies to pilots, too. When there is an
accident, we want to know what caused it so
we can figure out how not to make the same mistake.
If it is mechanical, we expect some fix to be
required by the FAA. This Pittsburgh accident
bothers pilots and non-pilots. Recently, there
has been some thinking that the older military-trained
pilots had something in their training that
some of the newer civilian-trained pilots have
not had. In the military, the instructors would
have us close our eyes while flying instruments,
and turn the airplane upside down, then tell
us to open our eyes and recover. Instinct may
make you do the wrong thing and put the airplane
into an unrecoverable situation. But, when training,
no problem: we do the right thing every time.
But civilian pilots haven't generally had that
training because the airplanes they trained
on were not strong enough to handle those maneuvers.
There has been speculation that in this accident,
the airplane may have gotten into an unusual
position and the pilot made a panic correction
that was fatal. The airlines are now working
on providing training on recovery - the safe
way - from unusual positions (in the extremely
rare case it should somehow happen). So, having
ruled out every other cause, we are now think
"pilot error" of that type.
As
far as your specific question, the airplane
has built-in stability that makes it go back
to level flight, just as your car - if you are
turning and let go of the wheel - will return
to going straight ahead. An airplane is built
like an arrow, with fins at the back. It will
not tumble. It will not tip over. It takes FORCE
to put in into a turn, and when you let got,
it goes straight again.
Don't
worry about visiting the cockpit. It takes us
only a few minutes to set the switches up and
run the checklist to be sure it is all correct.
Then, we just wait until everyone is aboard.
If the crew is busy, they will tell you, but
most likely when you arrive, they will already
have finished their prep. Flying is safe, but
no matter how much intellect we have, it may
not FEEL safe.
The
work I do with people helps it feel safe, too.
If you would like some info on that, please
call me or Lisa at (800) 332-7359.
Captain
Tom
The
fear hit in my twenties
My fear is a few years old. It started when
I hit my '20s, and only gets worse the longer
I am out of the stable worlds of family and
college. My fear is at the point where I have
to convince myself on every flight that I am
prepared to die, and accept the fact that I
am going to die. Lots of fun. I can get on a
plane, no problem, but I spend the whole flight
in rigid anxiety, and, in turbulence, severe
terror. In May I was on an Air France flight
from Milan to Paris, by myself (which for me
is extra-scary). The macho pilots, who do not
deign to speak to the passengers at all during
the flight, flew us straight into a major T-storm
over the Paris area. At one point the plane
lurched violently and skidded precariously to
the right, listing at what felt like a 70 degree
angle. Every single person on that flight started
screaming. We got down, but only after circling
in deadly silence, punctuated by bad turbulence
and lightening next to the wings, for 30 minutes.
I have never in my life had to endure a more
terror-wracked 30 minutes, and I hope I never
will again.
I
fly frequently, and have found that the things
that calm me down (slightly) during the flight
are: perfectly smooth air, Xanax (although it
does not help when the turbulence is severe),
and especially, listening to "From the Cockpit"
on United Airlines. Hearing the pilots talking
to ground control and other pilots in a calm
voice does wonders for me. Especially when they
request permission to ascend or descend to avoid
some nasty turbulence. I know they don't like
turbulence either. I also found myself feeling
better when I was actually sitting next to someone
on a flight who was even more terrified than
me. Interestingly, reassuring this total stranger
made me feel much more in control, and had an
enormous calming effect. So, I suppose the only
things I can do are sit in the cockpit and pay
the pilot to talk to me the whole time, or else
sit next to someone having a panic attack. By
the way, are you sure it's OK to introduce yourself
to the pilot before the flight? I know that
would help a great deal to dissipate my terror,
but what do you say to him? "Hi, please don't
let me die"?
Captain
Tom's reply:
First,
Xanax seems to be the medication that helps
best. And, I'm glad you find listening in on
our transmissions. I think that is a very good
sign, because many fearful fliers are too panicked
to want to even know what is going on. The fact
that you are interested shows me that you are
on the right track, which is to pay attention
to what is real rather than what is going on
in your imagination.
Now,
what can help? First, pre-board and go directly
up to the cockpit. You would never think of
just checking into to a hospital and say "operate
on me." Not except in an emergency. Instead,
you want to meet the doctor and check him or
her out, and get comfortable with the doctor's
manner and level of confidence, which then gets
transmitted to you. Do the same with your pilots.
Their confidence is contagious; it will help.
And, you will not have to deal with those thoughts
such as, "is the pilot drunk" and "did s/he
have a fight with his/her spouse last night."
You will know somebody there has YOU in mind.
This means you are not alone at 30,000 feet,
and that is important.
Turbulence
is totally mechanical. It is just air making
its own ball bearings upon which the jet stream
rides. The area near the jet stream is always
turbulence. In other words, it exists all the
time. And when airplanes venture into that area,
it is no problem at all for the airplane. But,
people have a hard time believing that, so people
thus have a problem with it.
People
have a problem for two reasons. First, we imagine
how high up we are, and think how awful it would
be to fall. O.K. We are up high, but airplanes
don't "fall." If you tried to get the airplane
to go down fast by putting the nose down, it
would just pick up speed and the extra speed
causes more "lift" on the wings, which keeps
the airplane up. To go down, we have to pull
the power way back and sometimes even use the
speed brakes. Airplanes are really gliders;
they don't like to go down, and you really have
to take some time to get them to go down (unless
you use the speed brakes), so forget - forget
- about falling out of the sky. It doesn't happen.
Next,
up is not a problem - just down. People don't
pay attention to upward movements - just downward
movements. So, when in turbulence, the airplane
goes up, down, up, down, up, down, etc. But
since people ignore the up movements and fear
the down movements, what registers mentally
is ONLY the downs so the experience is not up,
down, up, down, etc, but down ... down ... down
... down. The antidote for this is to focus
intensely on the up and down experience and
pair up every down with an up, and pair up every
up with a down. Another part of the problem
is this: "seeing is believing" and when you
look out at the wing, you see nothing holding
it up, and thus - with nothing holding it up
- it seems like the airplane should fall. In
a car, you see the road hold the car up, or
in a boat, you see the water hold the boat up.
But in an airplane, you can't see the air hold
the airplane up. What can you do to make air
real when you can't see it. Remember when you
where a kid and put your hand out the window
when mom or dad was driving. That air rushing
by the window felt real. Imagine right now how
that air felt against you hand at 50 MPH. Now
multiply that times ten to think about air's
power at 500 MPH. Then multiply that times how
many times you would have to "handprint" the
wing to completely cover it with handprints
- thousands and thousands. That is the power
that securely holds the airplane in flight.
Captain
Tom
I
couldn't breathe
I
flew last year for the first time in 5 years
and for the first time, I started shaking and
couldn't think straight. I couldn't breathe.
I'm not scared to fly but I get CRAZY inside
that TUBE. Last years flight was only 3 hours
but on the 27th of this month I will fly from
Phila to Orlando and back. Then in May, I am
flying from Phila to San Francisco-non stop
on a US Air 757--AAAAHHHHHH! If it were up to
me, I would have suggested a wide body for this
6 hr flight. It is a business trip and my co-workers
made the choice. They obviously don't have claustrophobia.
If you know how to help me cope, please email
ASAP.
Captain
Tom's reply:
This
is one of the major components of fear of flying.
Yes, it can be dealt with. Some of the things
you can do follow. You, first, need to take
some control back for yourself. To start, be
very aware that you have a CHOICE whether you
fly or not, so that when you choose to fly,
you have made that choice consciously and deliberately.
Then, when you are on the airplane, you know
you are there because you chose to - not as
the victim of pressure by someone else. Then,
before you board, to to the window of the boarding
lounge and MEMORIZE VISUALLY what is outside
the jetway and outside the airplane. Use your
photographic memory to record in detail what
you see. Then, when walking through the jetway,
you can remember what is outside; this helps
reassure you that there IS an outside and the
walls are not able to pressure you. Then, onboard
the airplane, recall what is outside. Also,
be sure you find out if there are any "eyeball"
air outlets that you can control; turn them
on. If not, place your hand near the air vents
to prove to yourself that there IS air coming
in. Stretch out your arms and examine PHYSICALLY
how much space is yours. If you find yourself
having breathing difficulty, hold your breath
for one-thousand-one, one-thousand-two, one-thousand-three
at the end of each exhalation and at the end
of each inhalation.
Remember
that the engines pump air into the aircraft;
there always is air. Any failure in the air
supply causes the oxygen masks to automatically
drop. Keep talking to yourself. Tell yourself,
"There is air; there is always air; there always
will be air."
Choose
an aisle seat so you have visual space looking
through the aisle - not a bulkhead seat that
blocks you visual space. If you need more help,
contact me at (800) FEAR-FLY
Captain
Tom
Fear
the pilot may lose control
I
get worried that the pilot may not be able to
control the plane or be jerked from his/her
seat, etc. I know the pilot is belted/ harnessed
in the seat and that the plane is probably in
auto-pilot anyway. But, I have a big concern
that maybe the automatic systems and/or the
pilot may lose control. Another issue is that
I have a lot of allergies and sinus problems
that make me dizzy while I fly and it's hard
to believe that the pilot does not feel the
same thing. Here again I don't see how the pilot
can control the plane...when I've lost my equilibrium!
Captain
Tom's reply:
The
pilots are always belted in. In turbulence,
the airplane is on autopilot anyway. The next
time you fly, it may help to sort of step back
mentally and observe what is going on as if
you were a scientist, and ask yourself, "How
much in fact is this airplane moving? How can
I test it? If I have a half-cup of soda in my
hand, or on my tray table, how many inches up
out of the cup does the liquid travel during
the turbulence? Does it, go an inch up out of
the cup? Does it go a foot up out of the cup?
Does it hit the ceiling?" I'll bet you are getting
anxious about large movements of the airplane
when the soda is still in the cup. . . and while
the pilots are still securely in their seats
- and would be even without seat belts. See,
when we imagine how high up we are, be are hypervigilant.
If a little kid shakes your leg standing on
the floor, so what; but if you are on the top
of a ladder, that's different! Try getting your
perception back "down to earth" by stepping
back and imagine you are perceiving the situation
as a scientist.
Captain
Tom
Can
this fear ever end
Have
spent many an hour pouring through travel magazines
but as soon as I realize that to get 'there'
I have to get on a plane. Went to New York a
few years ago and had clenched fists for the
entire trip. How does one ever get over this
damned fear of flying?
Captain
Tom's reply:
Yes,
since 1982, we have been able to take the long-term
success rate from about 60% to nearly 100%.
We even give a guarantee that if you have done
the complete program and YOU are not satisfied
with the difference when you fly, you can have
some free additional therapy sessions. If still
not satisfied, you can return the course materials
for a refund of that part of the course.
Captain
Tom
More
than just afraid . . . terrified
used to fly fairly often, probably about 2 -3
times a year. I flew for the last time about
2 years ago with the help of Xanax and a litre
of wine. Even then I was more than just afraid.
Terrified is the only word that conveys the
depth of the emotion I feel even when I think
about being on an airplane. I recently had to
get to Florida from NY and took Amtrak. It was
a hellish 24-hour plus trip. I want to be able
to get on an airplane, but am sure I cannot.
I've read many of the postings in this forum
and it seems I'm not alone. I'll try some of
the tactics suggested here, but my fear is so
consuming, I don't know that any will be effective.
The most common remedy seems to be a sedative,
but this doesn't work for me. I believe the
level of my agitation overcomes the effect of
the sedative. Anything you can suggest would
be appreciated.
Captain
Tom's reply:
If
the tips presented here are not enough, I recommend
you enroll in the entire SOAR Program. We have
had so much success with people who believed
nothing would work that I have to believe you
can find effective help here.
Captain
Tom
Stuck
in one place for seven hours
I
have flown several times before, with the longest
flight being about 4 hours. However, I will
be flying to London this summer and am already
getting anxious about it. I guess I don't like
the fact that I will be flying at night - I
won't be able to see anything, let alone the
fact that I will be over a huge body of water!
Also, being in one place for about 7 hours or
more does not exactly thrill me. Any suggestions?
I don't hate flying, but just want some ideas
to make this trip more enjoyable Thanks!
Captain
Tom's reply:
From
my point of view as a pilot, flying at night
has safety benefits. At night, we can see the
lights of other airplanes at a great distance,
which allows us to see them several minutes
earlier. Runways are easier to see because runway
lighting systems stand out at night much better
than during the day. Your night flight should
be more comfortable, because the air is usually
smoother at night than during the day. Now,
about being over water: find a globe and a piece
of string that you can stretch from your departure
airport at one end to London with the other
end. Notice that for most of your flight, you
are over land - not as you would suspect with
a flat, paper map. And even when over water,
you are always within an hour or so of land
and a place where you can land if need be. Also,
engines on modern jets are so reliable they
can run for years and years (electric companies
literally do that with them to produce electric
power) without problems, so crossing the Atlantic
- though it may seem a big deal - is just another
routine trip. The anticipation can still be
difficult; so look here in the forum for info
on how to deal with anticipatory anxiety.
Captain
Tom
Losing
sleep
I
am TERRIFIED! of flying. I am flying from Toronto
to Malaysia on July 16 and I am starting to
lose sleep over it already. I have flown all
over the world (it never used to bother me)
and have read books, tried relaxation and everything
but nothing seems to work. Last January I flew
Toronto-LA-Tahiti and back, loaded up with Xanax.
It didn't work. I was trembling, crying, and
on the verge of hysteria! And this was with
3 or 4 Xanax tablets and a whole bottle of champagne.
Does anyone know of or has had success with
any other drugs which help to calm down fearful
flyers? I would appreciate any help.
Captain
Tom's reply:
Drugs
don't work for everyone. There are, however,
some good courses out there, some of which are
nearly 100% effective. If the tips here don't
do the job, you are a candidate for doing a
good course on fear of flying.
Captain
Tom
Extreme
fear of flying
My
fear of flying is so extreme, I recently took
a 32 hour bus ride to Vegas. (my husband flew
and met me there) Actually, I was so relieved
to not fly, I enjoyed the ride! I'm planning
to see a shrink soon. Is there really any hope
of curing a fear this bad?
Captain
Tom's reply:
Yes,
there is great hope! Since 1982, I have worked
with about 3,000 people to help them find a
way that works for them to overcome their fears,
and do the things they want to do. Originally,
the course I presented was only a bit more effective
than the others available, but over the years,
