Flying, in terms of physical safety, is like everything else. Nothing is absolutely safe. Things are, at best, relatively safe. Of things that are relatively safe, flying is at the top of the list. As compared with going to get a carton of milk from the supermarket, flying coast-to-coast is just as safe.

Thought that is how safe flying is,m when you head out to the supermarket, you don't need reassurance. Though the trip to the supermarket and coast-to-coast are equal in safety, the trip to the supermarket seems safer. It isn't. I can tell you that - not only from statistics - but from personal experience. My ex-wife was killed going to Dunkin Donuts. I'm still alive in spite of thousands of flights. That is because airline flying is comprehensively controlled. Only highly trained experts do it. Driving is not well-controlled because it is done on the ground and any fool can get in the car and do it.

So why does driving seem safer? Three reasons. One: being on the ground feels safer than being in the air. Two: because of the illusion that if something goes wrong on the ground, you can escape. Three: being in control of your steering wheel and brakes gives you the illusion of being in control of the situation.

Of these three illusions, the illusion of control is most important. It's easy to control feelings when in control of the situation. As a backup, we control our anxiety about loss of control by being able to escape from it if your control of the situation is lost.

Some people are able to feel safe when not in control, and when not able to escape. They don't understand why others have to be in control. Those of us who have to be in control don't understand why others don't have to be in control. It is like two different worlds.

Sixty percent of us develop "secure attachment" to the caregivers we are initially dependent upon and as we develop, we feel safe in the world in general. Forty percent of us did not feel secure with our caregivers. That leaves us needing to be in control to feel safe.

Flying is safer than driving as well as safer than staying home.